|Siri Simran invades China
||[Dec. 10th, 2008|10:56 pm]
Siri Simran: Walking up the mountain, step by step
And whyever would I want to do that?|
Apart from the commonly accepted perception of China as some sort of endless treasure mine, it's also seen (albeit more subconsciously) as the biggest threat to the balance of world power, the world environment, the American way of life and all that we could possibly hold precious as human beings, etc.
I have ot admit, I don't like being censored, or feel like I'm being censored, and I'm beginning to suspect I'm actually a rather subversive streak running through my otherwise lazy life. I don't like overt authority and conformity, for the plain reason that I don't conform comfortably. it's selfish. Perhaps if I did conform without needing to expend a great deal of effort, I would not mind, but as it is, I don't. This is hardly a great ideological base from which to build some eternal philosophical truth, but that's not what I'm after anyway.
Back to China, and the love for speeches by leaders, some of whom I know, most of whom I don't. The ones I know (or know of), they are generally sound, hard working bureaucrats, with a genuine sense of caring for those around them. Leadership is provided for by sheer force of presence, as I see it, if they're not driven insane or turned into automiton robots by the hierarchical government system, they've totally earned the respect they're accorded by those around them.
Where do I fit in? I have no idea. As it is, they have no idea either, It seems that there's a 50% failure rate in communications, that literally every other word I say is misinterpreted. Perhaps it's my accent, I don't know.
But back to invading China. There is something amusing in retrospect that I dislike this place so much, yet I'm finding it impossible to resist the lure of _Becoming Someone_ here. Arrogance and anecdote suggests that I am well qualified, humility and cowardice cautions me against being too cocky. Really, as my parents always like to remind me, I don't really know how weighty I am, and it's true, I don't. It cuts both ways, not knowing where it's possible to exert influence, and where the limits of that influence extends, is very confusing, like a baby not knowing quite where its skin ends and the outside world begins. Unfortunately, unlike a baby, my cowardice and caution curtails my exploration. then again, moving slow is possibly the best way forwards.
It seems all and sundry are eager to look for a suitable wife for me. By suitable, of course, is meant, any human female who has a name, and who might vaguely meet an abstract "criteria" that I gave, implied through my behaviour, was imagined to be nice by the erstwhile matchmaker, fell out of the sky into the brain of God, or otherwise spun like a political hot potato until it vaguely resembles something that I might possibly like or dislike or have no idea about. In any case, people wantme married, and be double quick about it.
Back in china, people are still smoking like dragons, whisps of smoke carving the air like patterns on a ming vase. I hate the smell of tobacco smoke and ashes. But I do like the exploration that could take place, finding out that people here are not perhaps so terrifying as I feel they are (indeed, that people in generall are not secretly harbouring the desire to remove their latex face masks and reveal the acid-teethed lizard-alien-insectoid underneath who will then proceed to massacre, um, me). It's good to find those bejewelled moments when truth and honesty and humanity are communicated and experienced by everyone, especially in a place where I least expect it, and however precious those moments are, they somehow feed a desperate hunger in me.
Speaking of being hungry, pigs brains and living prawn-critters being boiled in front me is not really that pleasant either, nor is the assumption that alcohol must be consumed by everyone whenever there is the vaguest excuse to consume it, and failure to comply is a sign of disrespect. Practically, it would be much easier to drop these two taboos, and indeed they have been very much relaxed to accommodate my lack of discipline and the sheer weirdness of human beings. Nevertheless, I don't like drinking, and I don't like eating pigs brains and living-until-boiled-to-death-prawn-critters and other meat-ish products, morality aside, religion aside, health aside. i just don't like it, in the same way other people don't like oranges, or they dislike fishcakes, or whatever.
Given that, and given the whole shabang of shit-not-yet-hitting-the-fan-but-will-in-the-future-soon-to-be, I really have no idea how I'll survive, should I even make it off the metaphorical landing ramp onto the metaphorical beachhead of my China invasion metaphore, without being blown to pieces or cut down by a hail of paranoia and doubt. Still, it shold be fun trying.