Walking in the footsteps of the Master [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Siri Simran: Walking up the mountain, step by step

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[Jul. 9th, 2008|11:00 pm]
[Current Music |Gobinde Mukande (31 min) - Sada Sat Kaur]

Art. It's a very ephemeral word. Time to stroke that goatee like you were deep in thought.

For the past two months, I have been "getting into the arts scene". Unfortunately for me, that does not mean cocktails, wild bohemian parties with attractive vulnerable young arts students. No. Instead it's a slow process of learning about the bureaucratic intricacies of arts funding, making tentitive contact with other artists, and generally finding out what is going on.

Why?

I believe that Gurmat Sangeet is an artform. Certainly it is not just an artform, but then arguably many artists can claim, with some substance, that their is "not just an artform". Transcendental art, art that takes your breath away and blanks your mind so your soul, for a brief moment, can bask in the shining beauty that is His work, is not just art. It is the very purpose of life itself, to experience the experience of living.

The world exists in polarities. For every black there is a white, every negative a positive. We are forced to daily wade through pain, indifference, ugliness and vileness in every form, projected into our minds by a million posters, rap songs, broadsheets, gossip magazines, news programmes, movies. As we struggle (and as some enjoy wallowing, in ignorance and blindness), we ask, where is the polarity? Where can we find peace and rest, not in the form of what "happiness" should be like, as sold to us by sun drenched adverts of an impossible ideal which we must purchase?

We find it in beauty. In art. In forms that not only heal the ugly wounds of the world, but which also seeks to beautify it. All of it. Every last gasp of suffering joyous miraculous atrocity that make this play of maya what it is.

In art, then, and in the art of the Guru, by the grace of Guru's poetry and music.

Back to funding workshops and networking events. Where I am having difficulty is in deciding what constitutes a true spreading of the message contained in Guru's words, and what constitutes selling out, selling down, prostitution.

Those who know me intimately will recognise that selling out has been a running theme in my life. Indeed, those who are honest, will realise it is an issue in every life. When we prostitute ourselves, we profit like the beggar who breaks his own leg to gain sympathy. Yet when that seems the only option open to us, or when it is much less dramatic, we say it is a "compromise". More insidious, we project the fault onto others, while we remain (in our own minds) spotless. As the saying goes, throw mud at someone, and some of it will stick to you. More, it means you have mud to hand. Where did it come from? Certainly not from the other person.

And yet, how can I contain something I know to be beautiful within the suffocating confines of a religious dogma? I know this has to go out. Guru Nanak played to all. His music reflected and communicated to the people he was with, he adopted their rhythms, their songs, and sang back to them their highest praises of God.

Keeping in mind this, must Gurmat Sangeet only ever appear in a "religious" context, a context defined by other people? Or can it be used in art, if art were repurposed to include the function of elevating our soul to the infinite?
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[Jun. 21st, 2008|10:37 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Music |The sounds around my head, or are they inside my head?]

Sun spots my soul
Black spots to turn and burn
Twisting tighter than a million lives in pain

The release of fire explodes into space
Screaming a desire older than time
The desire to life to live to burn

Through the coldness of despairing emptiness
Shot through with needles of needy greed
We burn, we burn, we burn

Through the night of life to the day of death
This fire dances and flickers, waltzing
With its own shadow

Until the sun spots dark on my soul
Turn and twist and dance no more
We, and thee, and sun, are one
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[Jun. 18th, 2008|10:46 pm]
[Current Music |Guru Ram Das (60m) - Mirabai]

After thirty years asleep, you came to me

Through crowded thoughts, song of a soft blue sky

I sought somewhere to hide, away, away

From your eyes, questions unspoken.

Reaching out, you brushed my face

And I turned away, terrified.

I broke my string of longing

I shattered my dream.

And your face - so plain - faded from my mind.



You knew who I am, better than my heart.

But who are you?
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[Jun. 17th, 2008|12:25 am]
[Current Music |let thy soul be awakened... - Yogi Bhajan]

I have teachers. So many teachers. the issue isn't if I have teachers, ultimately, it's whether I can obey them, and excel them.

It continues to be an interesting experience to live in an Indian household. I'm glad though that these people are very human. I mean that, the implication is that many other people are inhuman, or barely human. This is very derogatory, I know, but sometimes, there are just some things that feel so alien and unapproachable that they may as well be from another planet form me.

I must admit, I've been feeling exhausted lately. Really quite tired. Obviously not tired enough, or else I wouldn't have the energy to write this blog, or watch weird Indian soap operas (there are lots of them), which, from what I can gather, aren't even particularly "big hit" indian soaps. Kind of like the b-movies of the soap world.

the only thing is, I'm finding myself adopting more and more of the mannerisms and language of my hosts, of the people on TV, and I gues, of my general environment. I hate to say this, but I do feel more claustrophobic here in Southall, it feels quite restrictive. London is only a train ride away, but mostly I prefer to walk, and there aren;t that many place in Southall that I know of to walk in. Evenin the park the trains are only a toot and wrrraaaannnnowww away, and nowhere is free from the shadows of jets landing in Heathrow.

If anyone reading this is remotely interested in something science fiction-y, or has any imagination at all (ie, anyone who finds coronation street and that ilk of TV boring, and is excited by the possibility of alien worlds - the most alien being the world within us), I recommend you watch this week's episode of Dr Who. GO to www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer, look under drama, and scifi, and you'll find this week's Dr Who, "Midnight". It's very cool, but you have just 5 more days left to watch it online.
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I am Doctor! [Jun. 6th, 2008|12:07 pm]
[Current Mood | Exuberant]
[Current Music |Har Ju Raak Leho Pat Meree - Jaitsiri Mahala 9 - Prof Surinder Singh]

Yes, I am. I am now doctor. Dr Siri Simran SIngh. PhD.

This raises an interesting issue. What will I wear at the graduation ceremony? It would be ridiculous to wear my mortarboard on top of my turban. Then, my turban will have to be super extra special? Will I need to put a little tassel on it? Gold trimmings, bling it up with shiny shiny things?

The way I tie my turban has evolved, but they sometimes still turn out pretty wildly messy. I've also been told that the style is a mishmash. Since 1) I only get to attend this PhD ceremony once (yes, I have plans to get another PhD, so actually I guess this could serve as a test run...), and 2) it would be embarrassing to look back and see an "improper turban" in my photos. Then again. I could just not keep any photos...

That aside, I am still doctor. PhD, yes, and I still can't fix people or prescribe funfun drugs, but I do get to append some extra letters to my name.
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If I have not taken Amrit, I have no Guru. [May. 28th, 2008|12:22 am]
[Current Music |Raga Madhuvanti - Pandit Ram Narayan]

...is it true?

If the answer is yes, it's an upsetting answer. If I have no Guru, there is no point in me continuing to do what I do. There are plenty of chances (or, up to this point, there were plenty of chances) for me to live a more materialistically satisfying life. Possibly, even a more spiritually satisfying life, if only by virtue of being a spiritual tourist and satisfying my curiosity.

Irony is present, of course, since this is the kind of question I would ask my Guru, is it true, that if I don't take amrit, I have no Guru? But now, who am I supposed to ask?

There is something strange about this, of course, that I would become so deeply impressed into this system, so foreign to me - the objective, observer me, the doubtful me, the pragmatic cost-benefit materialistic me - that I would be upset at the possibility that I have no Guru, and never had a Guru. That I would be upset, feel deeply depressed, suggests some sort of soulful malaise that has either always been there but has only just surfaced, or which has only recently taken hold.

Or possibly, possibly that, to use the "L" word, that dirty, diluted, abused, misused and prostituted word, "Love", somehow...

...oh, I don't know.

It does make things seem quite pointless, though, as if all the prayers and thoughts and everything else I thought I was telling Guru suddenly... like opening a door and discovering all the letters and messages and words you thought was sent to someone, piled up, gathering dust, having travelled no further than the edge of your imagination before dropping dead onto the ground. All the while more and more were sent and they build up. It's wince inducing to go through them, in light of knowing they never went anywhere, and there was no one there to hear them.

But enough self pitying. Really. Enough. The answer seems obvious, take Anmrit. It's there, it's right there, go and take it.

...

What is stopping me?
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[May. 23rd, 2008|11:26 am]
[Current Music |Re Man Eh Bidh Jog Kamao - Snatam Kaur]

Sacred poetry and music do not move you to tears. They move you closer to God.
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[May. 21st, 2008|12:50 am]
[Current Music |Tampura D - Jasdeep Singh - Raj Academy]

I now have my own internet connection.

Internet.

Connection.

Isn't that amazing.

I also have about a million things to do. At least I've finished the corrections for my thesis. That is over. But I get the feeling many many more things will come my way that will require I do more and more work. It's enjoyable, all except that right now I'm not financially as well off as I'd like. Nevertheless, I'm not longer in a deep dark pit of despair. Which, after all, is a good thing.

I've been blessed with the opportunity to test my musical mettle. A fellow student, David, plays the Santoor, and one of our assignments is to perform. So we're going to perform Rág Asa, instrumental. And to think, I've really only done this for a year. Wow. A year after starting to play the piano I was just about ready to give up. then again I was much younger then, and less sleep deprived.

Sleep deprivation is a funny thing. I don't think we'll ever understand sleep. It's such a weird thing.
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[May. 12th, 2008|11:52 pm]
[Current Music |Tanpura D 6 mins - Jasdeep Singh - Raj Academy]

I'm hoping this will be the last time I need to edit my thesis. it's just been sent to my supervisor, who'll look at the corrections (maybe) and then I'll get my PhD (maybe).

I've always wondered how to wear my mortarboard on my turban? Or do I just not wear it at all?
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I agree with the babbling madman [May. 8th, 2008|12:24 pm]
[Current Location |Outside Paddington station]
[Current Music |Tanpura D 6 mins - Jasdeep Singh - Raj Academy]

I overheard a small exchange in the gentlemen's restroom at Southall rail station.

A nondescript man was trying to wash his hand. First Great Western (the railway company that runs the station) has in its bureaucratic wisdom, decided to install an automatic handwash / soap dispenser / dryer machine, which operates (badly) by infrared. The man was irritated that he could not get the machine to work. With all the conviction he could gather in his nondescript body, the man raged against The Machine,

"We are all not in paradise. We are... this automatic, everything is automatic, everything is technology. With more technology we are not on the path to paradise. Everyone is on the path to hell!"


The path to Hell dribbles with lukewarm water


After trying to wash my hands (which meant waiting until The Machine decided it was ready to wash and dry my hands for me), I think I agree with the babbling madman. The Machine - specifically, This Machine - is a sure indication we are all headed to hell.

I am now living in Southall. It was a fast and uneventful move, I didn't break anything, and I love the place I'm living now. The people I'm living with are very kind, and they have the well rounded eccentric individual personalities that comes with age (or possibly, they were just like that to begin with. I don't know). Anyway. They are kind and don't mind me practicing. In fact they positively encourage it.

In other news, Charles the train driver apologises for congestion at Paddington station, which means the train I'm on is.. it's stopped.

A slight disadvantage of living with people who speak Punjabi is that, in the most inappropriate moments, I find myself wanting to express my agreement with people by saying, "han ji", It is harmless, I think, but generally I'm afraid my eloquent and long winded if nonsensical style of english may become a distant memory, replaced by a hybrid pidgin mishmash. I'll combat this by writing in ever more loquacious ways and listening to Radio 4.
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Where did I get all this stuff from? [May. 4th, 2008|10:05 am]
[Current Music |Aap Sohae Hoa -]

Good question.

But a better question might be,

How am I going to move all this stuff?
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[Apr. 30th, 2008|11:04 pm]
[Current Music |Tum Gaavoh Mere Nirbhao Ka Sohila - Raag Deepakee Mahala 1 - Prof Surinder Singh]

Now that it comes close to the time for packing things away to move, I rather feel my room has turned into one of those natural black holes that collects flotsam. It's indicative that I'm less than willing to part with most of it, even though I can't justify to myself why I would ever need most of it. The far future is the far future, of course, and nothing is predictable, which obviously means that if I threw away, say, that box of electrical plugs, leads and adaptors for devices I no longer own, at some point in time I'll think, Oh, I wish now I had a box of junk electronic and electric leads! Then I'd regret it. Oh yes.

So what it actually comes down to is an exercise in non-attachment. A rather weird process, actually, since Guru rarely mentions the junk we accumulate in life. Riches, wives, children and power, yes. Junk, old books and superfluous tidbits, no. Of course, back in those days, before the advent of our wonderful consumer society, there was simply not that much around to own, whereas now, everything is owned, or can be owned, or can be collected off someone who owned it but no longer wants it. I guess the human propensity to attach to physical object is just as strong as ever, or perhaps more so.

Which is somewhat surprising, that Guru's teachings are just as applicable in the mundane task of moving house as it is to guide the soul on its journey. both of which are of course part of the same process of One, so I suppose shouldn't be too surprised.
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[Apr. 28th, 2008|06:59 am]
[Current Music |Maha Mrityunjai Mantra Version I: By Alka Yagnik - Alka Yagnik / Anuradha Paudwal]

I'll be moving to southall this week. It's going to be interesting. Already I'm realising how much stuff i have, but oh well, that always happens. Regardless of how much clearing up I do, it seems there's just more and more stuff that keeps piling up.
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Raag Majh [Apr. 24th, 2008|11:59 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Music |Ek Ong Kar - Karta Singh & Friends]

Recently I've been feeling very serious. Very serious indeed, though not grave. Just... rather humourless. I suppose it could be just the time of the month or something. Or maybe it has something to do with my meditation, or my job, or whatever.

Raag majh was derived from traditional fold songs in Punjab, sung when a beloved (usually the husband) is away for long periods of time, at work, at war, or travelling about.

The mood of Majh is has a rather strange presence in my life. Being deparated from my parents at two, I spent several years not knowing what my mother looked like. Nor, to be honest, did I much care. I simply took it as read that I did not have a mother. It was a bit strange to reintegrate myself into "my family", with brother, sister, father and mother, when I was brought back into the fold.

The strongest memory of separation, then, is that of entering the bording school world, a strange, foreign and cold world with bad food and fear. I missed my family then. More, I missed the ability of my parents to take me somewhere more comfortable.

Majh, the separation from our beloved Lord, I experienced that when I was slowly and successfully destroying my life. I knew no single human being can possibly deliver me from myself. Yet I yearned for someone who understands and totally accepts the mess and beauty and everything else that makes up "me".

it's a painful separation, a unbridgable gulf, really, longing for God, longing for a glimpse of the Lord, the Guru, anything to remind me that in the scheme of things, I don't matter, positively and negatively, and therefore, all is well.
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Siri Raag [Apr. 20th, 2008|08:16 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Music |Mere Mun Eikus Sio Chit Lai - Siri Raag Mahala 5 - Prof Surinder Singh]

Siri Raag

Siri raag feels like the calm after the storm. Being named Siri Simran, I should have guessed that it would turn out to be my main mode of operating. Siri Raag is serious, almost heavy. At least, it's not a raag to party to.

Siri raag comes after things happen. Though usually it comes with regret, as when I ponder things that I did and shouldn't have done, it's not necessarily always regretful. It is clear, though, neutral, like amber catching all the little thoughts that usually zip through without me noticing them.

As I sat after my abortive engagement (an engagement I brought on myself), my heart in pieces, my conceit in tatters, and my pride in the gutter (where it should belong, really), I felt too emotional. Too much was going on in me for Siri Raag to be heard. But there came a point, a slow series of points actually, where some sort of natural nadir was reached, when I could begin to accept what happened. Not forgive, forget, or process, but simply accept, without struggling for "a way out". It was only at that point when I could initialise the neutral process of asking "why", or deeper, ask "what", as in "what am I doing?" Only when I saw what I was doing, or did do, would it be possible for me to learn. Before that, everything was just kicking the duvet in a nightmare.
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[Apr. 18th, 2008|12:21 am]
[Current Music |Ambient Soundscape And Ancient Dhrupad Singing - Al Gromer Khan, Amelia Cuni]

Making telemarketing calls isn't that much fun, especially when, from experience, I know I used to treat cold calls like they were cockroaches at best, and I don't expect better treatment when I'm on the other end of the phone ("when the phone is on the other foot?" "When the dialing-tables are turned?").

Still, it is sometimes interesting. We do dial all sorts of people, from international big businesses and banks, to tiny one man and a bedroom operations. Sometimes I recognise the names, and have a little chat on the phone with the client. One which sticks in my mind is Wharburtons, a bakers ("biggest in the UK") who produces my favourite seeded wholemeal loafs - delicious when toasted. The person who answered had an advert-perfect voice for the wholesome north-country grandfather, and when I told him I loved their stuff he replied "that's music to my ears", in a totally genuine, north-country way. Actually, I'm not sure whether it was north country or not. No matter. It cheered me up.

Another call I made was to a company called KleentecMarine. The owner surprised me when I asked, "what is the main activity of the company?" by telling me everything - everything! that the company does, which is unusual. The comapny, that is. It makes cleaning products for cleaning, polishing and coating ship windows, pyrex panels, restoring paint work, very specialist applications. We must have spent a good 20 minutes on the phone for what was supposed to be a 3 minute call, him excitedly telling me what he does, how great the result is (bear in mind, I would most likely never need to buy any of the products, not owning a ship or boat myself), and me becoming excited just by his sheer enthusiasm, and deeply impressed by the existence of such a weirdly niche product.

Working the phones is definitely not that much fun, but it's good training to sense just exactly what image a company gives over the phone. Most don't bother, but some take it very seriously, sometimes too seriously. A serious company plays classical music while holding for a call. Given the poor audio quality it's not worth while, and given the short waiting times it's also a little counter productive, as I get to listen to just two notes on the violin before m ears are blasted by the grating beepbeep ringtone they handily intall on the rest of their phone system.

Anyway. Enough about phones. I'm going to bed.
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[Apr. 16th, 2008|11:07 pm]
[Current Music |Sabh Gobind Hai - Sangeet k.]

It's been a while since I sat down and reflected. Mostly, I sit down and fall asleep on the trains, and I always worry I'll sleep past my stop,

This is one of those times when I realise something has changed, but can't for the life of me put my finger on what it is. I'm still me, pretty much, but I feel different. Not good or bad, just different.

Anyway. the time I spend travelling to my job means I now have no time for instrument or vocal practice. Or rather, my lazy nature makes it diffiult for me to find time. There seems to be a very determined part of me that like to, uh, unwind. It insists on taking the same amount of time each day, regardless, so I end up procrastinating for just that amount of time. It doesn't seem to be something I can change (or else it just squeezes itself into some other part of my day), I guess for now I'll just have to put up with it.

I was asked in the past, how do I have fun? I don't know, to be honest. I don't do much now that amuses me, or can be construed as fun. Computer games, reading things on the internet, etc, all seem more like time killers rather than fun activities. I don't think I dedicate enough time or effort to having fun. Not that a Godly person should have fun, of course, that's a punishable offence. Notice how unfun serious religions are. Not to say they're right or wrong, but mostly, it's just not fun. I find there are very few things I enjoy in any case.
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[Apr. 16th, 2008|09:30 pm]
[Current Music |Maha Mrityunjai Mantra Version I: By Alka Yagnik - Alka Yagnik / Anuradha Paudwal]

A few things I've been learning.

Never use the mind to do the soul's job. It will lead to pain and suffering, and ultimately it's futile.

It is necessary to master the negative as well as the positive, so the negative can be used as well. Like tacking into the wind, even when things are negative, the energy can be used to manifest a positive outcome.

And of course, never trust the ego.
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Man with Van [Apr. 8th, 2008|12:24 am]
[Current Music |Hay Gobinda - Sada Sat Kaur]

Once upon a time, it would be man with cart.

As I begin to look for places in Southall to move into, I am of course also considering the means with which to do so. Unfortunately, with limited financial resources, professional moving services is out of the question. And, in any case, I don't have enough stuff to warrant a professional move. I am also going to progressively get rid of as much stuff as I can. I really do not like having so much stuff, most of which I don't use.

Of course,thinking about this, I spotted a van beaten up yellow van (looked like an old utility repair van, the sort that was never new, even on the first day it was driven out of the factory), upon which was painted (or stuck - it looked like stickers) a mangled proclamation:

If it do not fit in car CALL man with van


Hmm, I thought. It has a very good point. but I ain't calling that man with van. Who knows if it'll be diverted half way through the move to repair a mainline sewer or something...
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[Mar. 30th, 2008|11:55 pm]
This is going to be interesting. For me, anyway, probably not for anyone reading this.

1) I am moving to Southall. Soon. As soon as I find a house to move into.
2) I have a new job
3) I am working to set up a new company with other yoga teachers
4) I am editing someone else's book
5) I've also been drafted as a part time grants manager
6) and I'm still working on my thesis

Plus daily sadhana and vocal and sarangi practice. All part of the package of fun that is my life.
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